As we await Sophie’s arrival, which we are praying will be within the next week (her due date was yesterday, Aug. 15th) the Lord has been reminding Kevin and I of His great character and the hope we have in Him over the past week. Last week I was overcome with sadness, wanting to believe with expectancy that the Lord will heal Sophie and praying that joy would be the predominant emotion we experience in the delivery room however Sophie comes. My sadness, however, was getting the best of me. Yet this week the Lord in His sweetness has been renewing my heart and increasing for both Kevin and I a great sense of expectancy of what He has in store for Sophie, for us. That said, I’m realizing even now as I watch the flood of prayers, the overwhelming support of people on facebook sharing our story and calling others to pray, the ways our family and friends have surrounded us that this is NOT a sad story. Yes, there is sadness, there is sorrow, and there is fear and anticipation of what will happen with Sophie in the coming week. But more than that, this is a story of how God has intersected our lives and forced us out of our comfort zones to trust Him in ways we never have before and see Him show up in ways we’ve never seen. This is a story of joy being discovered in the midst of sorrow, of learning the value of celebrating life and inviting others into that celebration, of seeing how the body of Christ shows up in times of need and literally envelopes and cares for others in ways that Kevin and I have never experienced before to this extent. This is a story of hope in the midst of uncertainty, of faith that is built in the midst of trials. This is not a story of our great faith but of His great strength in us. Kevin, Sophie and I are not the main characters of this story, God is. And this is not our story as much as it is God’s story. Sad stories have no threads of hope, no beauty, no joy, only sadness. And that is not our story. Why do I want to write this? Because for some reason, more people than I could have ever imagined our following this story that God has been writing for our lives and as you read our journey I know that it brings tears to the eyes of many and I know that in the honesty of some of my writings it can appear quite sad. But, I want to illuminate the fact that in the midst of great sadness that there is a God who loves and holds us and brings joy and beauty out of the greatest darkness. When Sophie comes I may write of how we met her and watched her enter the presence of our Great Savior. I may write of the ways we worshiped in that delivery room the One who we gave our lives to and gave Sophie to. I may write of the ways our perspective of eternity grew exponentially and of the tears of sorrow in saying goodbye to Sophie for a season in the midst of the great joy that one day our great God will make all things new. Or, I may write of how Sophie came out fully healed, how she cried and took her first breath and we knew we were going to bring her home. I may write of the celebration and worship that took place in that room, how we praised the Lord and our perspective of eternity, His power was transformed and tears of amazement flooded our eyes. (The latter is what we’re praying for with great expectation!) I don’t know what that day, those moments will be like, but I’m growing confident that they will be powerful and we will experience the Lord and His goodness in ways that will change us forever. This growing confidence has been built out of a reminder of who God is, and the prayers of many lifting us up. Today I re-read in my journal my first entry that I wrote 2 days after we found out about Sophie’s condition, on my birthday. It was a sweet reminder to me of where I was putting my hope in then, in the midst of my feelings, to where I want it to be now.
Today I celebrate 34 years of life. 34 years of breathe that you have given me. It is a sweet and sorrowful day as Kevin and I mourn the reality that our little baby girl will most likely not have life for more than a few moments after she is born. And you are sovereign in that. In all the moments you’ve given Kevin and I over the last 20 weeks of pregnancy… You have been so kind. The joy of when we first found out, the opportunities to trust you in the uncertainties of the first trimester. The parenting conference, registering for baby things a week before we found out Sophie’s condition and now walking through the grief in knowing our child may not survive this life. Our world has been turned upside down. And You have wrapped us in your arms of love with such tenderness over the last couple of days. I would give anything to press rewind and hear a clear report of our daughter’s ultrasound. It seems like March 27, was weeks ago, the amount of change that has occurred in the hopes and expectations for our future as parents. Oh Lord, my brain, my thoughts are dry with emotional fatigue. Yet I know new waves of tears are just around the corner. Yet I know You. I know the One whose hand formed my daughter. The One who knew the affects of sin on this world would affect our beautiful baby girl. And I know the One who holds her life together now. I know the One who can turn the sin of this world into sweet redemption. I know the One who makes ALL things new. I know the One who restores, redeems, heals. I know the One whose face my daughter may see before I ever get to. I know the One who holds all things together.”
And throughout this journey I have been reminded, have been wrestling with and have grown to know this One in ways I never could have imagined. He is the One who writes our story, our great God, Jesus Christ. And His stories are so so good. As you pray for Sophie’s healing, would you pray that we would be reminded daily, moment-by-moment of who our God is. That we would fix our eyes on Him and Him alone and be expectant of the wonders that He has yet to do in and through Sophie’s life!
- A Time to be Silent and a Time to Speak - October 29, 2020
- Teaching Them to Hope, Birthday After Birthday. - January 15, 2020
- A Taste of Hope Fulfilled – Briella Dawn’s Birth Story - August 3, 2018
So beautiful. What an inspiration you and your husband and family are. Such a blessed journey you have been on throughout the months. And upon her arrival, 10 minutes of wonderful is better than a lifetime of nothing. Blessings to you all.
I feel so fortunate to have been referred to your beautiful blog at such a poignant time in your lives.
I am nearly 15 weeks pregnant. At our 12 week scan, we got the same diagnosis. I am 35, this is our first baby – so I feel a lot of similarities with you!
I am so excited at the prospect of your beautiful Sophia and our little Josephine keeping each other company someday soon. You are all in our prayers! xxx
1. You have done an incredibly difficult thing beautifully.
2. we have the same birthday but I am 2 years older
3. Oh my goodness, Luke looks like his dad!
(A friend of Luke’s in Durango)
OH MY GOODNESS! In my first and only other post to you, I had mentioned to you that I thought it was more than a coincidence that the Voice of the Apostles is going on THIS WEEK in Orland (where you live) for the first time ever! There was a testimony given first thing this evening by a father who is at VOA. This father had met with his son and daughter-in-law about 6 weeks ago. The couple had expected to deliver the exciting news that they were going to have a baby; however they had just been given crushing news by the Dr. saying that he was 98% sure that his daughter-in-law was having a miscarriage (for a third time).
She was scheduled to get ‘cleaned out’ today. Last night she tuned into VOA on-line and while watching Heidi Baker she felt the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Today when she went to have the procedure done, she wanted to be sure and had another ultrasound. GOD HAD OTHER PLANS! The baby IN HER WOMB was HEALED!!! All is well!
I immediately thought of you and started crying. YES, JESUS IS HEALING IN THE WOMB!!! I claim that healing for Sophia in that mighty name of Jesus!!! I say do it again, Lord… like you did for that couple… that babe in the womb… do it again…. healing – supernatural, creative miraculous healing for little Sophia, in the mighty name of Jesus! AMEN!
I HAD to share this with you immediately!
YOU continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Virg (friend of Jessica Anderson)
Thank you for sharing your journey. I have only read a couple of your posts and am in awe of your faith in the Lord. I just recently lost our third baby at 9 weeks and am still grieving the loss as I’m sure I’ll do for months maybe even years to come. One of my prayer requests when people ask is that the Lord would replace my pain with joy. (I have a friend who is due days before our due date-Feb.5-and it has been hard) You have done a beautiful job at finding the joy in the midst of pain. I am so thankful for coming across your post. Know that you and Sophie and Kevin will be in my prayers over the next week as you welcome your baby into the world according to the Lord’s plan! May the Lord bless you abundantly as you continue in your-His-story!
I stumbled upon your blog from a friend on facebook asking for prayers for you and your family. Amongst reading your story I was quickly reminded of a dear friend who recently endured a similar journey. I know no comparison can ever be made but here is her families story…
May God bless you, your family, and your precious daughter during this time! My prayers of love, support, patience, understanding and hoping for a miracle are with you!
God bless! Many prayers being sent upwards for you in this time. <3
Lindsey, praying for you in this very moment. May you be reminded of HIS LOVE, HIS PEACE, and HIS PRESENCE in this moment.
Perfect words, just so Godly in inspiration – I cant relate to your exact situation, but I have carried 2 babies that I never brought home. And through the provision of Gods truest wisdom, unfailing love and faithfulness I loved seeing this post entitled “More than a Sad Story” because that is exactly how I feel, sadness but not hopeless, and you just relayed a beautiful message. I am praying for Sophie’s healing right beside you and I am praying for you and I am so sorry!!!
Hey Lindsey! I am a college student from SC, and I recently saw your blog posted on fb. I just wanted to let you know that although I don’t personally know you, I am praying for you, Kevin, and sweet Sophie on a daily basis. We serve an awesome God who you and I both know makes everything perfect! I have complete faith that he IS being glorified through you and your husband’s trust in Him. You guys are awesome, and I know our Big-Daddy upstairs is going to continue to poor His blessings on you all! Jesus is awesome 🙂
Ok know Luke from my daughter going to kiviu and Andy and Jamie Jo. We live in Saudi Arabia and have been so deeply touched by your story. God is in every word you write and I know with out a shadow of doubt people are coming to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ through your open honest heartfelt words. Our children are adopted and staying true to your convictions even in the dark times is difficult. God will honor your decision to bring Sweet Sophie into this world. I want you to know the I am praying for a peace that passes all understanding at Sophia’s birth. I want you also to know in the coming months when you may not be able to pray there are people all over the world covering you all in prayer.
Thank you for allowing me to pray so specifically for you all.
Wendi remkus I
Sent from my iPhone
Hey there! My name is Chelsea. I came across your blog on a friends facebook page and learned of your little girl. I love your faith. I love your writing and I just thought you should know that I have and will continue to always pray for you. I will pray for your whole family that the Lord shows Himself in a way that will bring peace to your hearts.
Thank you so much for your honesty! Your story and appreciation and joy in life has reminded me just how much joy I should be taking in my own life! Esp. your writing of the catch phrase that “God doesn’t give me more than I can handle”~ the fact that that phrase is not true is so helpful to me to think more upon! Praying for healing:
Father in Heaven~
We thank you so much for the gift of life you’ve given us as well as the lovely eternity we get to look forward to. Would you please continue to hold this family of Lindsey and Kevin and their beautiful daughter, Sophia, in your comforting hands! Lord we come before you asking you to heal Sophie in every single way possible~ Father we ask this in your name, so that you will be brought all of the Glory!
You THREE are SO-o-o-o beautiful!! We have been so privileged to be with you this, your 39th week, as part of your Prayer Partner Team (as well as praying for you the past 5 months). Your faith is so beautiful, it humbles us so to read about your courage, love, strength and commitment. Once a year we have to give a presentation to our Marriage Encounter Team Community………..tonight we are sharing Sophie’s Story at our meeting and the impact it has had on us and so many, because you choose to EMBRACE life! Be prepared to feel more prayers and concern coming your way!! …….to God be the glory!!!!
I am so sorry to hear about your sweet daughter. A friend of mine went through the same thing in May 2012. Her story has many similarities as yours. I think you may find her blog to be helpful in the healing process. http://blessedbygracemorris.blogspot.com/
You have a wonderful attitude, and the moments you hold Sophie in your arms will be the best of your life. 12 years ago I lost my little girl to an encephalocele. She was a twin, and her twin brother is healthy. At 18 weeks we got the diagnosis that Jessica had an encephalocele, where a hole was left in the skull at the base of her head, by the spine. A large portion of her brain had developed outside her head, and the doctors did not know what it contained. If she would live or die. That was our first pregnancy, after doing in-vitro to get pregnant. Jessica and Cameron were born by c-section (we didn’t want to do vaginal and have her go through the trama of the birth canal), at 32 weeks (Cameron was determined to be born then). She was beautiful and breathing on her own. She was taken to Cincinnati Children’s hospital and had surgery to remove the brain matter outside her head 3 days later. Unfortunately, the doctors still did not know what it contained, but her prognosis was poor. After 16 days of life support and a roller coaster of emotions, we let her go.
Though I would never wish this experience on anyone, I would also not trade my moments with her. Because of her I went back to school and became a nurse. I had another set of twins, 2 boys, and one has severe handicaps. However, I am always grateful that I have him in my life and he is happy, bringing joy to everyone he meets. Loving and saying goodbye to Jessie made me the person I am today, and made me realize how strong I can be.
God bless you on your journey. May you always keep her in your heart, and know that she is an angel chosen by God.
If you have not already, you need to listen to “I will Carry You” by Selah. Such a powerful song. We have been where you are in our family. My cousin lost her daughter at 5 days old due to.a rare condition which was detected early on in her pregnancy. Please know our family is PRAYING FOR GOD’S HEALING for Sophie!!!
Your faith is amazing and I pray for the spirit of God to be with you and your husband during this time. A friend on fb asked for prayers and listed your blog and it has touched my life in so many ways.
I think oh the old hymn “Every hour I need thee” when I read your post.
I cannot wait to see pictures of Sophie because I believe she will be amazingly healed.
I just found your site yesterday. I read it with tears streaming. Our son was born at 25 weeks. The doctors said he wouldn’t live two days as his apgar score at birth was one. The only thing working was his heart. He was very sick. We had him baptized not knowing his future. That was 14 years ago. God can do things that we think are not possible. The only reason we were given was that God worked a miracle. I will pray for a miracle for your beautiful Sophie. I will also pray that if it is not His will that Sophie that Sophie be healed, the she will not suffer or be in pain and that she will be surrounded by her loving family for as long as she is on earth and that angels are there to carry her in to the arms of our loving and gracious Heavenly Father. Thank you for sharing your story and increasing my faith in your time of incredible joy and unfathomable sorrow.
You are a gifted writer. The is really beautiful. God bless you in the days ahead. I love part that says we are not the main characters in the story, He is.
I don’t know you at all, but I know that the same God who made your sweet daughter made the three children who wait for me in heaven, the 4 and 2 year olds at my feet, and a daughter in my womb due in December. I know this hasn’t been an easy season, and it isn’t over. But our God is faithful, He is in control, and you have not been forgotten or forsaken. I am joyfully anticipating Sophie’s arrival, and I pray that whatever the outcome that God will reveal himself to your family. God bless you and carry you, my sister. I’m praying for all three of you.
oh Linds… how often you are on my heart in these days. One thing you have helped me to do is stand in awe of the Lord.
I stand in awe that He created sweet Sophie (who I love so much!) I stand in awe that He gave you and Kevin hearts filled with His Spirit, so that this news has not driven you to despair or caused a bitter hardness but instead has strengthened your hope and trust in our good, loving Father.
I stand in awe that He has given you words time and time again to be so vulnerable with so many people, many strangers, for the sake of His great name and His glory.
I stand in awe that He has drawn thousands upon thousands to your blog to hear the hope you have because of the risen Christ.
And I stand in awe of our dear Savior, who has defeated death and has made a way for us so that we will one day dwell in His perfect kingdom, without tears or pain or babies with incurable conditions. Oh, how beautiful that Day will be… my heart is filled with gratitude and my eyes with tears. Praying and hoping and trusting and weeping and rejoicing with you!
Love you, dear Lindsey.
Lindsey – I found your blog through my dear friend Emily Weller. Oh, what faith you have shown walking through deep sorrow yet abiding in joy and hope. How beautiful to see all your weekly celebrations for your sweet daughter – I love how you’ve celebrated each moment of her life! The gratitude in your heart is obvious. It’s also so amazing to read through the comments of people who don’t know you yet have been comforted or felt known or know hope from your story. I pray that’s an encouragement to you.
Praying for you over the next week as your dear Sophie comes. I pray you will continue to cling to the God who made her and you and who loves you three deeply.
I just wanted to let you all know that I am praying for you. A friend of mine shared your blog and now I can’t stop reading it. I think that you two are such an inspiring and amazing couple who has really changed my mind about many things in life. Sophie is very lucky to you have two as Mommy and Daddy.
Hi. I found your blog after a friend told me about your story. I just want you to know I can relate to you and will be praying for your family. I pray God will perform a miracle with your sweet Sophie. I pray that whatever the outcome that you will have an overwhelming sense of peace that only comes from Him. My little girl was born in April 2012 at 31 weeks. We found out at 20 weeks that something was wrong but they weren’t able to pinpoint the cause of it. We found out later she had a rare syndrome. The day she was born was the most beautiful and peaceful day of my life. A mere 17 hours later she went to be with Jesus. Please know that when I say I’ll be praying I will because I’ve been there!! Can’t wait to see how God uses your story.
I feel like there is nothing I can say except for thank you. Thank you for walking the path before me. Thank you for reminding me that it’s not a sad story. Thank you for inviting people to share in your grief, in your loss, and in your love. God is so good to us. Much love to you, Kevin, and Sophie. ~Kristin and Glenn
I’m so sorry! There are no words adequate.
My mom sent me your blog and I’ve been reading about your journey with Sophie. See, my mom works at Cedarville and knows my heart for other moms who have experienced a loss similar to mine, so she passed along your blog. I want you to know we pray for you too. Our journey started back in 2006 when we learned, much like you, that our son Noah would not survive. I also began writing and searching for other moms who had traveled this road before me. It was so healing for me to read others words…it gave voice and validation to my feelings.
I saw Sophie’s playlist…a couple of songs that I listened to…”Unredeemed” by Selah (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TC01HuKZRI ) and “I Will Carry You” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlDUkp1Ts8A ) I also loved Steven Curtis Smith’s whole album “Beauty will Rise” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJynET3b3PM)
Thank you for sharing how God has met you with His grace overflowing. We will continue to pray.
I got on Facebook tonight and noticed that one of my friends had posted a link to your blog. I do not know you, but was so intrigued by your meditations and inspired by where your heart is during this time. It is clearly the Lord in you. I just cried when I read about Sophie possibly getting to meet our Lord before you do. Your perspective is beautiful. So refreshing. It is the Lord God writing through you. May He continuously give you the comfort and peace you need for each new day.
Yes, God is creating miracles in the womb. I was at the VOA in Orlando this year and remember the testimony. I pray for God to heal baby Sophie, that she be born perfect and that God give you the opportunity to be the amazing parents her created you to be. I pray for open heaven all around you and the grace of God be poured out upon you. God bless you both and Sophie. She has amazing parents!!
As a sister in Christ, i first and foremost will join with you in prayers for your sweet girl. Secondly, my days are surrounded by neuro tube defects. My husband was born with spina bifida, and my daughter, Zoe, with hydrocephalus and agenesis of the corpus callosum. Much like your story, i was informed of her situation in utero, and we were floored, as she was our first born. They told us also, that we had the option of abortion, but we felt a nudge in our hearts, through the holy spirit to continue the pregnancy, full aware of the possible outcomes, including still birth. We pressed on and in her 39th week due to her rapid head growth, i delivered a precious blue eyed girl. The tears were streaming down my face as i waited to hear that first cry..and she gave them a pretty good wail. My heart swelled and she was rushed away for further investigation. She was born with the head size of a 2 year old and missing part of the brain that connects the left and right halves of her brain, but she pressed on. She didnt walk until she was two and a half, and missed many milestones, but by the time she was 6 months old she had endured more than most ever will. She is now in first grade, defying every odd and overcoming every obstacle. I give the glory to God! I know our God is a big big God! He is good! Blessings on your family and your little bundle of sweetness! Believing with you for healing because no job is too big. Lots of Love!
We are in continued prayer for you, your hubby and Sophie. I can’t help but think back to our story with Xander whenever I read one of your posts. I love this part of your 20 week journal entry: “I know the One whose hand formed my daughter. The One who knew the affects of sin on this world would affect our beautiful baby girl. And I know the One who holds her life together now. I know the One who can turn the sin of this world into sweet redemption. I know the One who makes ALL things new. I know the One who restores, redeems, heals. I know the One whose face my daughter may see before I ever get to. I know the One who holds all things together.”
We can look back on our son’s life and see those very things as a continued comfort to us so many years later. We pray for supernatural healing on Sophie but we also pray for thoughts and moments such as the one described above to continue regardless of what happens in the coming days.
I’m sure you’ve probably thought about what, if any, photos of your precious little girl you will want to take when she is born… maybe you’ve already heard of the company “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep”, https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/ , their goal is to take FREE, beautiful photographs of babies who have not or will not survive long after they are born. I just felt inspired by God to share this with you… whatever you choose, I know that the memories of your daughter’s miraculous life will always be treasured!
I just saw this blog for the first time today. I will pray for the Lord’s healing. If The Lord chooses not to heal I wanted to tell you about nowilaymedowntosleep.org It’s an organization that can take photos for you. Friends have shared that it can be very helpful in the healing process. I hope this blesses you and serves you. Though of course we pray for healing!