I have gathered a wealth of resources over the past several years, both specific to carrying to term a child that isn’t expected to live as well as specific to grief in general and all the craziness that come with that. Here you’ll find some of the resources that have been most helpful for us in walking through the anticipation of the loss of our 2 daughters, the celebration of their short lives, and learning how to live in the new normal of the grief that comes with their absence. I hope you find resources here that will offer you hope on whatever journey of loss you are walking through right now.
The One Year Book of Hope
Let’s just say these simple daily devotionals tackle the thoughts and questions every sufferer is asking, asks questions to get you to go deeper and gives additional verses to study more. For example: Week 1 is entitled “Brokenhearted”. Yes! How known do you feel that she starts there!?
Streams in the Desert
It’s a classic devotional and great for any season of life, especially the desert ones.
90 Days of God's Goodness
His perspective on heaven and eternity will challenge and encourage and is a great devotional when eternal perspective and an elevated view of God’s goodness is what you desperately need.
Experiencing Grief
It is short, practical and addresses the reality of experiencing grief so well. And the best part is that even if you don’t like to read the chapters are each only 1-3 pages long. And it’s only $4! Whaaaat!? Just get it. And get it for everyone you know walking through loss.
A Grief Observed
This is basically pieces of his journal that he kept after the loss of his wife. The questions he asks and ways that he wrestles with life and what he believes have again helped me feel less crazy in my crazy and shown me a little more of what it looks like to press into my grief.
A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss
Through his own tragedy, Sittser uses his story to share how God’s grace transforms our sorrow. This book was the first book I read when we found out Sophie’s condition and has helped to shape the ways Kevin and I have pressed into our grief on this journey. It gave me hope that yes, the soul can grow through great loss. And I can tell you now it truly has. It is still one of my favorites.
When Your Family's Lost a Loved One: Finding Hope Together
A great book for the entire family who has gone through loss on how to understand how each person is grieving, what to do about holidays etc. This has been very helpful for our parents and siblings. It’s so practical! It also addresses grieving as a couple… do you know that everyone grieves differently? Shocking. I know. This has helped Kevin and I give each other freedom to each be where we are at and love one another even when we don’t understand how the other is grieving (we have in no way mastered this!).
Holding On to Hope: A Pathway through Suffering to the Heart of God
Guthrie weaves her own story of the loss of two children through taking you on a journey of discovering the heart of God in the midst of suffering. She uses the story of Job as the backdrop and includes an eight-week study on Job in the back of this book. This books is chalk full of hope and God’s word.
Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow
Basically this book does just what it says… and it will help you know Jesus in a new and fresh way.
Walking with God through Pain and Suffering
I can’t say enough good things about this book. This book has radically lifted my view of suffering outside of my western American mentality. Keller lays out beautifully how to face suffering in a way that is both validating to the one in pain but challenges you in your walk with God. I so appreciated how He wrote and covered so many different aspects of suffering. This is the best and most comprehensive book on suffering that I have read and I would highly recommend it to anyone… in suffering or not.
A Place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God's Sovereignty
From the back of the book “If God can heal me, why won’t he? How do we navigate that agonizing distance between such a magnificent yes and such a heartbreaking no?” Tada, a quadriplegic from a diving accident 40 years ago writes with honesty as she has wrestled with these questions herself and finds herself in a fresh season of wrestling. I read this as I was trying to wrap my mind around why God didn’t heal Sophie. It was just what I needed to read at the time from someone who had the platform to speak on such things.
Not by Sight: A Fresh Look at Old Stories of Walking by Faith
Bloom takes 35 stories from the Bible and makes them come alive in fresh ways as he shares how men and women of old were challenged to walk in trust in the Lord regardless of what they see or their circumstances. The stories are short and insightful. An easy read. And a reminder (just in case we forgot) we’re not alone in the challenges of walking by faith.
The Prisoner in the Third Cell
Will you follow a God who does not live up to your expectations?”
I read this book a month after our second daughter passed away and was deep in wrestling with the reality that God had not shown up like I thought He was going to, both in Dasah’s story but also in the story it seemed God was writing for our family and I didn’t like it. This book was timely and wrecked me… in a good kind of wrecking… if there is such a thing. It’s also very short, like I read it in two days short.
I read this book a month after our second daughter passed away and was deep in wrestling with the reality that God had not shown up like I thought He was going to, both in Dasah’s story but also in the story it seemed God was writing for our family and I didn’t like it. This book was timely and wrecked me… in a good kind of wrecking… if there is such a thing. It’s also very short, like I read it in two days short.
Hinds Feet On High Places
I can’t even tell you how many times I have read this book in so many seasons of life but this last year was the most poignant ever. This is a beautiful allegory of a girl named Much-afraid and her journey to the high places. It tells the story of the Shepherd leading her gently to the high places but much to her dismay, giving her the companions of sorrow and suffering. I resonated deeply with every emotion Much Afraid experienced on the journey, how she viewed the shepherd and even how she began to see love and hope blossom in her heart.
Safe in the Arms of God: Truth from Heaven About the Death of a Child
He answers the question that many baby loss parents want to know with assurance… is my baby in heaven and how can I know that?
There's a Party in Heaven!
A beautiful book for kids and adults painting a picture of heaven… get out the tissues for this one!
When Suffering Enters Your Door
Though not a book this resource is amazing! A 4 part series that is both authentic, honest, funny and challenging. I heard Paul Tripp do this series just a month after Dasah passed away and it was both timely and gave me Biblical tools to better understand our suffering in light of God’s kingdom. You can download as an Mp3 or Mp4 or order the DVD or CD Series.
A Gift of Time: Continuing Your Pregnancy When Your Baby's Life Is Expected to Be Brief
By far the best and most comprehensive book on this subject that covers everything from grief, to how to celebrate your babies life to how to create a birth plan. A book no family wants to have on their shelf but incredibly helpful for both the parents and the extended family.
Perinatal Hospice & Palliative Care
When putting together a birth plan and working with doctors and hospitals you want to know that your baby will be comfortable even though there life may be short. Here is a link to organizations that make sure that a child who is unable to survive outside the womb, or for whom there is nothing that can be done medically are still cared for and treated with dignity in their short life.
Capturing the Memories of Your Child's Life
A wonderful organization committed to capture your moments with your child, however short or long in beautiful photos. Their services are free.
Anencephaly Facebook Page
This is a community of over 700 families who have and are choosing to carry to term a fatal diagnosis and a place where you will find encouragement, support and can ask questions.
Anencephaly.info
A wonderful source of information in many different languages and also includes links to the stories of others who have carried to term and includes MANY additional resources!