Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. – James 4:14
If our lives are but a mist, how do we make the short days of our lives count? How can we be faithful with the stories God has given us even when they are laced with disappointment? And how can our hearts be set on the glories to come while living in the tension of the here and the not yet? That’s why I write, and that’s what you’ll find here! From the hope and joy that has come out of great sorrow and suffering through the short lives of my first 2 daughters, Sophie and Dasah, to the constant wrestling in the daily normal rhythms of life and loss. What does it look like to walk with Jesus in the valley of the shadow of death, on the mountaintop and all the places we go in between and discover a God who astounds us with His love and faithfulness, is present in our pain, and is worthy of our lives? This blog chronicles my journey, both past and present, the deep grief and pain along with the simple joys this life brings. I hope you’ll stick around and journey with me!
“There is an appointed time for everything… a time to be silent and a time to speak.” Eccl. 3:1a and 7b For 2 years I have remained largely silent in this space where I have invited you into much of my life, heartache, faith and joys. Some of it had to do with the…
I sent a recap of the way we celebrated and remembered what would have been my 2nd daughter, Dasah’s 5th birthday (November 13th) to my mom and she sent the following text: “Love how you celebrate and how Jaden and Briella are learning this is what hope literally looks like.” I hadn’t thought of our…
I held my breath much of my entire pregnancy with Briella, wondering, anticipating, daring to believe that the child I was carrying would actually live outside of my womb longer than a few hours. Is this real? How do I hold in tension the fear, all of what I previously knew of new life ending…
I’ve always wanted to write a book, more so because I thought it would be a cool bucket list thing to check off with no actual idea of the kind of work required in the actual writing process. But this book that is about to be released is not the book I ever imagined writing,…
I’m sitting here on my bed, feeling my little girl do what can only be described as some form of jujitsu in my belly. I think she has the hiccups and she’s kicking my ribs and punching my hip. Maybe she wants me to move? I don’t know, but I’m not moving. And so the…
After Jaden came into our lives I was fully prepared to adopt the rest of our children. I had little desire to become pregnant again. I had wrestled much with the laying down of the hope of more children biologically and in that often resistant surrender had truly come to a place where I simply…
I remember the day a few weeks after Dasah had died when I was running my hand over the back of my hair. It felt more coarse than usual… and bumpy. “That’s strange” I thought. I quickly took a hand mirror to look behind me in our bathroom mirror only to discover a small section…
Four years. I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that it has been four years since I gazed into the sweet face of my first born daughter, heard her cry and held her in my arms. Those memories have become less vivid and I have less of an ability to recall so many…
“… as long as he sought the Lord, God prospered him.” -2 Chronicles 26:5 It Is Good to Live a Life of Small Things It is good to stay weak. It is good to stay dependent. It is good to not have a large following of man, lest your heart be strayed to pride and…
“Is it because there is no God in Israel that you are going to inquire of Baal-zebub, the god of Ekron?” 2 Kings 1:3 A poignant question for Ahaziah, king of Israel, king of God’s people whose first thought when faced with sickness was not to inquire of His God, but another. And so God…
