“The Lord upholds all that fall, and raises up all those that are bowed down. The eyes of all wait upon You and You give them their food in due season.” – Psalm 145:14-15
A Psalm of the Kingdom. A waiting on you for provision only you can bring. But what if you bring it a different way? What if your provision is not the way we thought it would be?
It is only when our expectations of what we thought God would do are put to question that we more rightly discover who God is and our expectations are set more fully on Him. This is a hard saying. One more easily said then acted upon. The two get so easily confused. Even for the one whose theology of God seems to be solid, take one circumstance, one moment, and it all seems to go awry. For me, I hear the sweet news of a friend having a healthy child (it is unpredictable to me which announcement of this joy will solicit the following emotions) and without a moment to collect my thoughts I think, I wonder “God do you see me? Do you care about the desires of my heart? Or do you simply flaunt the longings of my heart in front of me?” It’s embarrassing to write. It lifts not up the Holy name of God but shows instead my tendency to think more of myself and less of Him. It reveals my propensity to view God in light of my circumstances instead of my circumstances in light of Him.
Do I forget in those moments how God showed up to Hagar, in her darkest moment, and revealed Himself for the first time as El-Roi, the God who sees? Do I forget the Psalm “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart?” That my delight is found in Him. Do I think in those moments God lacks kindness and goodness? Surely the Cross cancels out any of those questions. No, in all these things I do not forget completely. I simply need these truths more firmly rooted in my heart, that what flows out in the instance my ache is triggered beyond the ability to gather my thoughts rationally is the ration of God and not the irrationality of man.
“Lord, help me to wait on you to give me what I need, when I need it. That in the moments my ache is triggered what flows out moves me to a more right view of You. For truly you alone are the one I am waiting for.”