In the midst of all of the celebrating (which I’ve been a little behind on writing about… coming soon :)), slowly over the past couple of weeks my heart has grown more sad. The cloud of sadness that was hovering over us when we first found out about Sophie’s condition, lifted for the past couple of months as people have entered in and helped us celebrate Sophie’s life, has started to return as it gets closer to her birth and we have begun talking about some of the harder things that come with that. I’ve been praying that the Lord would give me, us, joy in the midst of the conversations that we’re stepping into where the reality of what may come becomes more real. That I would continue to be able to celebrate her life and live in the reality of today. Trusting that the same strength the Lord gave us on the day we found out about Sophie’s condition, He will give a hundred fold on the day she is born and whatever unfolds that day. It’s easy to believe that loss is coming and to live in the fear of how we will walk through that. The Lord has been so sweet in the midst of the chaos of my emotions over these few weeks and I can see Him begin to set my heart on the truths of His character and even learning aspects of His character that I haven’t quite believed or understood in this. I wanted to share what I wrote in my journal a week ago as I was reading in John 6:39-40 I found I was spending more time dwelling on what was to come than living in the reality of Sophie’s life today and the Lord met me there and keeps meeting me there… here’s a taste of that:
“And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life and I will raise him up on the last day.” – John 6:39-40 (Jesus speaking)
It feels like loss… all the Son had to go through, to lose himself to gain. Yet he lost nothing. And so the promise is for us, in the same way that the will of the Father was that Jesus would lose nothing, but raise it up on the last day… so we are give the promise that we who believe in Jesus will be raised up on the last day. We lose nothing and gain everything. Yet right now the loss feels so deep… the coming loss of our daughter (yet Lord, the hope of a miracle). Yet this is the reminder that in Christ we lose nothing. This is the hope of Christ, of heaven, of total redemption. We only gain as believers, we don’t lose… even when the sorrows of life run too deep to fully embrace the gain. It is still coming. The losses we feel in this life will one day seem so insignificant… one day. Perhaps not today. Yet there is so much hope in that promise, so much richness in understanding the Father’s will for us… to lose nothing. Our view of loss is so temporal, so of this world and the Lord meets us in that and continues to transform our mind, our understanding of Him, His love, His will. His heart is to give, not to take and if it seems He takes more than gives… one day we will gain perspective on it all… His perspective. Eternal. Above our own.