For those in deep grief… fresh grief… let this bring freedom to your hearts, a little laughter to your soul and give you a picture of the rare opportunity you have, this holiday season to truly know with great joy & thankfulness, in a way that only deep grief & brokenness can bring, that this world is not our home.
“For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.” – Romans 8: 23
Our pastor sat across from us and had been thinking and praying about what to say to us, the day before Thanksgiving. At the end of our time, he wanted to acknowledge the grief that comes with Thanksgiving for us this year and free us to allow ourselves to simply be where we are at. To not have to come up with what for us this Thanksgiving would be half-hearted and meaningless statements of thanksgiving that we don’t fully embrace right now because our grief is so fresh. He challenged us, for just this season, in the freshness of our grief to write a sign saying and including the following verses from scripture:
“We are thankful for nothing on this stupid planet” I Peter 1:3-9
We laughed as he said that and a fresh wave of tears washed over me as I suddenly felt the immense freedom to step into Thanksgiving with my grief and sorrow and allow God to meet us in that place. We are not ungrateful people, or unthankful. There are a few things that we are genuinely thankful for right now… but just a few. It’s just that we are in the depths of grief, hating death, hating that we live in such a broken world, longing for heaven, full redemption, to be with not one but now BOTH of our daughters more than anything else. We don’t want to be HERE. We want to be THERE. And yet, we know God has called us to be here, on this planet for a purpose. And we are surrendered to that in the midst of our deep longing for heaven. Our pastor went on to say we have a rare opportunity in the midst of all the Thanksgivings we’ve experienced and have yet to experience where we’ll say all the typical things you say you’re thankful for… to instead, experience a Thanksgiving we’ve perhaps never experienced before. One where there is truly little we are thankful for on this earth, but a whole lot of what we’re thankful for in heaven. Our greatest treasures are there, half our little family is there, our HOPE is there… the living hope, Jesus Christ who (though he very present in our lives today) we long to meet face to face just as Sophie and Dasah have. And so today, we sit with the most thankful hearts for what’s to come and the least thankful hearts of what is now. And we’re okay with that. As our grief begins to take a different shape and new emotions surface and the intensity of our sorrow diminishes we know we will say with greater gratitude that we’re thankful for family, friends, a roof over our heads, food to eat, a cute dog. But today, we’re putting those words aside because truth be told we just want our daughters back. Our hearts ache for them and ache to be with them.
So today this is our sign:
And this is our thankful tree:
A tree filled with what we think Sophie and Dasah would be thankful for based on what we know is true of heaven and what’s to come. Things not of this world. Not every thanksgiving is like this, or will be like this, or should be like this. But walking through our 2nd holiday season where loss is the cloud and we find ourselves wanting to escape the holidays (or simply having a love/hate relationship with them), and right now only 2 weeks out from losing our second daughter, we think it’s perfectly healthy to say:
“We are thankful for nothing on this stupid planet” I Peter 1:3-9
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith- more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcomes of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 1:3-9
And if that frees you up, my grieving friends, to breathe a sigh of relief and fix your eyes on Jesus in a new way, laughing a little at such an odd Thanksgiving statement and to not have to sit around a thanksgiving table and make up things that yes, you are thankful for but feel somewhat trite right now… then write your own sign. But, as our pastor said you have to include the word “stupid” and you have to include a passage like 1 Peter 1:3-9 that talks of where our hope really is. (And it might be a good idea not to show your kids… they may not understand… we recognize the word ‘stupid’ might not go over well in your home)
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Disclaimer: We wouldn’t recommend this practice for the chronically ungrateful person.
Update: Since I’m posting this the day after thanksgiving… we brought this sign over to where we had Thanksgiving with my family that is here, sent a picture to my family not here and I have to say… it made us all laugh and freed us up to let whatever waves of emotions came that day just come and to let ourselves simply long for heaven and the full redemption of all things… we also found ourselves able to be genuinely thankful for things here as the day went on… that was a sweet surprise.
Next Post: I’m working on a really sweet post of our 12 hours with Dasah full of amazing photos… so that’s coming next!
- A Time to be Silent and a Time to Speak - October 29, 2020
- Teaching Them to Hope, Birthday After Birthday. - January 15, 2020
- A Taste of Hope Fulfilled – Briella Dawn’s Birth Story - August 3, 2018
