“He will swallow up death forever, and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the Lord has spoken. It will be said on that day, ‘Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.” – Isaiah 25:8,9
Sophie’s footprint sits atop this verse in my Bible, and today, March 1, I sit reading this chapter in Isaiah and longing for the day that Jesus will restore everything while thinking about all the ways He’s been restoring things in our lives now, in the waiting.
Today marks 6 months since we heard Sophie’s sweet cries, held her in our arms and released her into the arms of Jesus. 6 months of unimaginable grief, tears that I often thought would never stop flowing. 6 months of watching friends, family and strangers support us, pray for us, continue to celebrate Sophie with us. 6 months of filling our home with our moments with Sophie.
6 months of God walking us through what we never would have dreamed we could have walked through and survived. 6 months of God at work restoring, redeeming, building hope, awakening joy in our lives. 6 months of simply sitting in God’s presence and letting Him meet us in our fears, our shattered dreams, our unanswered questions. 6 months of seeing the Lord continue to write a beautiful and unimaginable story for our lives and Sophie’s legacy. 6 months of watching “me” slowly begin to discover the new “me”. The me that a Sophie sized shape hole has left in my heart. 6 months of realizing that this new me will not always be sad and heartbroken, but is discovering new joys, new passions that carrying Sophie and being her mom has awakened. 6 months of beginning to learn how to embrace that Sophie sized shape hole as a part of me and all the joys and grief that will forever come with it.
Sometimes it feels like just yesterday and sometimes it feels world’s away. I don’t watch Sophie’s videos, look at her photos everyday as I used to. That makes me sad at times, but perhaps it’s because those images, those videos are so etched in my brain that I now play them in my head throughout the day. My heart feels more alive today than it did 6 months ago, the weight of grief not quite as heavy and the moments of joy more frequent. Even in that, the joy and grief still co-exsist. I haven’t just wept in a while, today I did, and still will. It’s a day for celebrating our little girl and crying, just crying. And I’m strangely looking forward to it, to a day of just celebrating and remembering Sophie and embracing all of the emotions that come with it.
So, Happy 6 months Sophia Kyla Dennis!
I’m thinking of the line in Steven Curtis Chapman’s song “Glorious Unfolding”…
“So let us remember that this life we’re living is just the beginning of the beginning”
And I’m looking forward to hearing of all the wonder’s you’re experiencing of your new beginning with Jesus that I’ll one day get to join you in! I miss you and love you to the moon and back my sweet Sophie!
“See you in a little while”